We're OFF!
So here it is Friday. Of course camping is running through my head all day and I am mentally trying to go over all the details to make sure everything is covered. It isn't until half way through the work day I grunt out an expletive realizing I forgot to get something. It was the key ingredients to make S'mores. The kids have ever only made roasted marshmellows and I wanted them to experince the magic of S'mores. Not to mention, S'mores uses one of my wife more enjoyed chocolate bars, AERO, so that may have added bonuses later! Thankfully my wife is but a phonecall away and I beg her to make a quick run to the grocery store on the way home. It may have been a contested request but I am sure including AERO bars in the list helped tons. So now I could get back to finishing work, racing home, and getting to the real task at hand, PACKING!
Packing is almost a cross between art and sports. Let me explain. The art starts when you begin to make neat little piles of clothes on the bed to make sure all essential are covered before placing them into duffel bags and backpacks. Lord have mercy on you if you forget something, especially clean underpants. This would be an ok situation of chaffing while going commando is not an issue. I decide to only worry about my clothes for three reasons. One, I want to make sure my wife doesn't purposely forget to pack my underwear for her own twisted pleasure. Two, I would DREAD forgetting to pack something of Ann Marie's or the kids. Third, there is a ton of other crap to get prepared that my dear wife has no interest in trying to figure out. Now I move into sports mode. Run here, run there, grab this, carry that, lift this, trip and stumble, curse, keep going. This includes fishing gear, toys, tent, cooking stuff, eating stuff, campfire stuff, and sleeping stuff. You tranfer back into art mode and begin making neat piles ensuring you have everything and then the final test...packing it all into one car (hopefully!). So the packing begins and I'm doing a good job at getting everything into the car. I'm thinking we may just get it all in one car load. One thing to understand is that my brothers ex-common law girlfriend forgot to tighten the straps of MY car top carrier on THEIR last camping trip and, well, the car top carrier did something it was never intended to do! It flew! And, lacking wings and a pilot, CRASHED all over the QEW and then got hammered by another motorist. To finish it's poor life, a kind police offer took the remnants of MY car top carrier and launched it from the Hamilton Bridge. I'm sure the creatures that are surely now inhabiting the now mangle car top carrier appreciate their new home. Me, I'm pissed and out a car top carrier which has not, and never will be replaced. So here I am thinking I may make it without MY car top carrier and then something happens that completely skipped my mind. My wife starts bringing down hers and the kids bags. I watched as the neat piles I created started growing and growing and growing. I looked back at the almost fully packed vehicle and was sure I saw a tear or two coming from the front headlights so I made a quick decision...TWO cars. I didn't see it, but the poor little Hyundai Elentra smiled and stuck it's fan belt out at the much older Achieve which now had to carry it's fair share of the load. So I continued to load vehicles until the last bag, toy, and item were packed. AND I was kind enough to leave room for Ann Marie and the kids. I had the kids in my car (only beacuse I was foolish enough to install the portable DVD player in my car) and Ann Marie got to ride alone, in peace and quiet, to enjoy the scenery and the ride. Me, I can recite the entire script of Sinbad and Treasure Planet. One last chance to go through the checklist...Fishing gear..CHECK...Food...CHECK...Beer...DAMN...Boat...DON'T OWN ONE---YET!---...Lady "Friends"...NOPE...oooops...wrong checklist, this isn't a guys fishing trip! Loving wife...CHECK....Kids...CHECK...Family camping stuff...CHECK...OK IT's 7pm, 2 hours behind schedule, WE'RE OFF! Wife backs her car out first and I think finally we're going and as I'm backing up she shows up at my drivers side window. I was sure she was in a car not 5 seconds before. "Did you grab drinks for the ride?"...ooooops, guess that wasn't on the checklist. No I didn't and she has the housekey in her car and starts walking back down the road to get it. I had to think of something quick to keep this adventure moving in the right direction, that is towards the campsite, so I quickly back out and race up beside her. "Hon, we'll get drinks when we stop for dinner along the way." Phew, she bought into that one, WE'RE OFF AGAIN! Wooohooo!
The drive, I must admit, was quite pleasant since the kids were glued to the portable DVD player and my wife was safely and quietly riding in the second car behind me (actually I missed her companionship on the drive cause I couldn't point out all the houses along the way we could never afford). And for those windering, it was Sinbad playing on the way up. We drive and drive and finally PASS by the campground. Why? We haven't yet stopped for dinner and I told my wife we could get a drink when we did stop. That way I wasn't lying by telling her an hour before we would get drinks! She points to the smart and easy choice, McDonald's. I wanted to be nice to my wife and kids despite not really enjoying pizza, and took them to Pizza Hut! If I would have known that dinner would take nearly 2 hours and that my children would mistake the restauraunt for a distant and overgrown jungle which they felt they could act like wild animals , I would have picked Mickey D's to go...and fast!
Dinner FINALLY ends and we head back to the car. It's past 9:30pm and already dark. Time to get to the campsite...and set-up the tent in the dark knowing that a billion mosquitoes were lying low awaiting the ambush. We get to the entrance where I have to sign in and pay for additional things, like parking for the second car which I would not have had to bring had my brother's ex common-law girlfriend had not tried to demonstrate the principles of flight with MY car top carrier. ALso in the cost was kindling and firewood. It's amazing the cost of a few logs these days. It's almost cheaper to buy a house, tear it down, take all the 2x4s, and burn those. Of course, knowing what lied in wait at the campsite, mainly the mosquitoes, I ask if I can sleep in the entrance building. The lady dealing with me glanced up with this look on her face like I was asking to sleep at her desk, realized I was making a joke, and the laughed, almost eavilly. I am sure the laugh was because she also knew what awaited me at the campsite. I head over to the woodpile to claim my three overpriced bags of wood and have to do the clean and jerk to carry them to the car. Luckily for me a nice guy was there to carry one of the bags for me. Good thing all the ladies were busy and didn't see my weightlifting failure. My wife did though, and she didn't laugh cause she loves me, and I am counting on her love to keep me alive after she reads all this!
The wood gets loaded in the car and now it's off to the campsite...in the pitch black. And of course, the signage sucks (at least that's my excuse) and we end up driving around, lost, in the maze of roads. At one point I drove backwards hoping that time and my wife's memory would also reset to forget that the great adventurer husband had no clue where the heck he was in the campground (did I mention I also forgot my compass?). We FINALLY make it to the campsite. It's past 10pm. I sit in my car for a second, admiring my skin, since it will be the last time I see it without mosquito stingers in it and red spots for the next 36-48 hours...
Stay tuned for the next episode...UNDER ATTACK! THE BATTLE OF CAMPSITE 415!
Packing is almost a cross between art and sports. Let me explain. The art starts when you begin to make neat little piles of clothes on the bed to make sure all essential are covered before placing them into duffel bags and backpacks. Lord have mercy on you if you forget something, especially clean underpants. This would be an ok situation of chaffing while going commando is not an issue. I decide to only worry about my clothes for three reasons. One, I want to make sure my wife doesn't purposely forget to pack my underwear for her own twisted pleasure. Two, I would DREAD forgetting to pack something of Ann Marie's or the kids. Third, there is a ton of other crap to get prepared that my dear wife has no interest in trying to figure out. Now I move into sports mode. Run here, run there, grab this, carry that, lift this, trip and stumble, curse, keep going. This includes fishing gear, toys, tent, cooking stuff, eating stuff, campfire stuff, and sleeping stuff. You tranfer back into art mode and begin making neat piles ensuring you have everything and then the final test...packing it all into one car (hopefully!). So the packing begins and I'm doing a good job at getting everything into the car. I'm thinking we may just get it all in one car load. One thing to understand is that my brothers ex-common law girlfriend forgot to tighten the straps of MY car top carrier on THEIR last camping trip and, well, the car top carrier did something it was never intended to do! It flew! And, lacking wings and a pilot, CRASHED all over the QEW and then got hammered by another motorist. To finish it's poor life, a kind police offer took the remnants of MY car top carrier and launched it from the Hamilton Bridge. I'm sure the creatures that are surely now inhabiting the now mangle car top carrier appreciate their new home. Me, I'm pissed and out a car top carrier which has not, and never will be replaced. So here I am thinking I may make it without MY car top carrier and then something happens that completely skipped my mind. My wife starts bringing down hers and the kids bags. I watched as the neat piles I created started growing and growing and growing. I looked back at the almost fully packed vehicle and was sure I saw a tear or two coming from the front headlights so I made a quick decision...TWO cars. I didn't see it, but the poor little Hyundai Elentra smiled and stuck it's fan belt out at the much older Achieve which now had to carry it's fair share of the load. So I continued to load vehicles until the last bag, toy, and item were packed. AND I was kind enough to leave room for Ann Marie and the kids. I had the kids in my car (only beacuse I was foolish enough to install the portable DVD player in my car) and Ann Marie got to ride alone, in peace and quiet, to enjoy the scenery and the ride. Me, I can recite the entire script of Sinbad and Treasure Planet. One last chance to go through the checklist...Fishing gear..CHECK...Food...CHECK...Beer...DAMN...Boat...DON'T OWN ONE---YET!---...Lady "Friends"...NOPE...oooops...wrong checklist, this isn't a guys fishing trip! Loving wife...CHECK....Kids...CHECK...Family camping stuff...CHECK...OK IT's 7pm, 2 hours behind schedule, WE'RE OFF! Wife backs her car out first and I think finally we're going and as I'm backing up she shows up at my drivers side window. I was sure she was in a car not 5 seconds before. "Did you grab drinks for the ride?"...ooooops, guess that wasn't on the checklist. No I didn't and she has the housekey in her car and starts walking back down the road to get it. I had to think of something quick to keep this adventure moving in the right direction, that is towards the campsite, so I quickly back out and race up beside her. "Hon, we'll get drinks when we stop for dinner along the way." Phew, she bought into that one, WE'RE OFF AGAIN! Wooohooo!
The drive, I must admit, was quite pleasant since the kids were glued to the portable DVD player and my wife was safely and quietly riding in the second car behind me (actually I missed her companionship on the drive cause I couldn't point out all the houses along the way we could never afford). And for those windering, it was Sinbad playing on the way up. We drive and drive and finally PASS by the campground. Why? We haven't yet stopped for dinner and I told my wife we could get a drink when we did stop. That way I wasn't lying by telling her an hour before we would get drinks! She points to the smart and easy choice, McDonald's. I wanted to be nice to my wife and kids despite not really enjoying pizza, and took them to Pizza Hut! If I would have known that dinner would take nearly 2 hours and that my children would mistake the restauraunt for a distant and overgrown jungle which they felt they could act like wild animals , I would have picked Mickey D's to go...and fast!
Dinner FINALLY ends and we head back to the car. It's past 9:30pm and already dark. Time to get to the campsite...and set-up the tent in the dark knowing that a billion mosquitoes were lying low awaiting the ambush. We get to the entrance where I have to sign in and pay for additional things, like parking for the second car which I would not have had to bring had my brother's ex common-law girlfriend had not tried to demonstrate the principles of flight with MY car top carrier. ALso in the cost was kindling and firewood. It's amazing the cost of a few logs these days. It's almost cheaper to buy a house, tear it down, take all the 2x4s, and burn those. Of course, knowing what lied in wait at the campsite, mainly the mosquitoes, I ask if I can sleep in the entrance building. The lady dealing with me glanced up with this look on her face like I was asking to sleep at her desk, realized I was making a joke, and the laughed, almost eavilly. I am sure the laugh was because she also knew what awaited me at the campsite. I head over to the woodpile to claim my three overpriced bags of wood and have to do the clean and jerk to carry them to the car. Luckily for me a nice guy was there to carry one of the bags for me. Good thing all the ladies were busy and didn't see my weightlifting failure. My wife did though, and she didn't laugh cause she loves me, and I am counting on her love to keep me alive after she reads all this!
The wood gets loaded in the car and now it's off to the campsite...in the pitch black. And of course, the signage sucks (at least that's my excuse) and we end up driving around, lost, in the maze of roads. At one point I drove backwards hoping that time and my wife's memory would also reset to forget that the great adventurer husband had no clue where the heck he was in the campground (did I mention I also forgot my compass?). We FINALLY make it to the campsite. It's past 10pm. I sit in my car for a second, admiring my skin, since it will be the last time I see it without mosquito stingers in it and red spots for the next 36-48 hours...
Stay tuned for the next episode...UNDER ATTACK! THE BATTLE OF CAMPSITE 415!
posted by Matt at 9:38 AM
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