UNDER ATTACK! THE BATTLE OF CAMPSITE 415!

READY FOR BED ON NIGHT #1

We pull into the campsite at around 10:00pm and it's already dark. We try to strategically position the vehicles to light the area where I have to set the tent and then they start to come...the BUGS. Now I don't mind bugs, except mosquitoes. And there, in the headlights, are the scout mosquitoes or maybe the ones most hungry for blood! Little vampires. I know as soon as I get out of the car they will decend upon me but the tent must get set-up! I leap from he car and realize I am half walking and half jogging to get things unloaded from the trunk and to get to the tent. What's dumb about that is that no matter where you go, there is a swarm of little bloodsuckers waiting to attack.

So there I am swatting and shooing mosquitoes trying to set up the tent while my wife and kids watch in amusement from the car. I no sooner get the tent out of the bag and it starts to rain. Not a heavy rain, just enough to know mother nature is up there taking a leak right on me. There was no call for any rain in the forecast so I guess mother nature had one too many rum coolers and couldn't contain herself. So now I am racing to set-up the tent, in the light of the headlights, and being eaten ALIVE! Thankfully my wife joins me to help finish the set-up, but I am still unclear if that is because she loves me so dearly as to sacrifice her body and blood to the mosquitoes to help me, or if it was the kids that drove her from the car. Yeah, they can be that naughty! With her help we get the tent set-up and I start bombing the gear inside the tent. The whole process took about an hour and the kids are going totally bonkers from boredom and lack of sleep. I decide that we should just get ready for bed and crash. The battle for site 415 was over. Many mosquitoes lost their lives and two Canadians were badly wounded .

We're OFF!

So here it is Friday. Of course camping is running through my head all day and I am mentally trying to go over all the details to make sure everything is covered. It isn't until half way through the work day I grunt out an expletive realizing I forgot to get something. It was the key ingredients to make S'mores. The kids have ever only made roasted marshmellows and I wanted them to experince the magic of S'mores. Not to mention, S'mores uses one of my wife more enjoyed chocolate bars, AERO, so that may have added bonuses later! Thankfully my wife is but a phonecall away and I beg her to make a quick run to the grocery store on the way home. It may have been a contested request but I am sure including AERO bars in the list helped tons. So now I could get back to finishing work, racing home, and getting to the real task at hand, PACKING!

Packing is almost a cross between art and sports. Let me explain. The art starts when you begin to make neat little piles of clothes on the bed to make sure all essential are covered before placing them into duffel bags and backpacks. Lord have mercy on you if you forget something, especially clean underpants. This would be an ok situation of chaffing while going commando is not an issue. I decide to only worry about my clothes for three reasons. One, I want to make sure my wife doesn't purposely forget to pack my underwear for her own twisted pleasure. Two, I would DREAD forgetting to pack something of Ann Marie's or the kids. Third, there is a ton of other crap to get prepared that my dear wife has no interest in trying to figure out. Now I move into sports mode. Run here, run there, grab this, carry that, lift this, trip and stumble, curse, keep going. This includes fishing gear, toys, tent, cooking stuff, eating stuff, campfire stuff, and sleeping stuff. You tranfer back into art mode and begin making neat piles ensuring you have everything and then the final test...packing it all into one car (hopefully!). So the packing begins and I'm doing a good job at getting everything into the car. I'm thinking we may just get it all in one car load. One thing to understand is that my brothers ex-common law girlfriend forgot to tighten the straps of MY car top carrier on THEIR last camping trip and, well, the car top carrier did something it was never intended to do! It flew! And, lacking wings and a pilot, CRASHED all over the QEW and then got hammered by another motorist. To finish it's poor life, a kind police offer took the remnants of MY car top carrier and launched it from the Hamilton Bridge. I'm sure the creatures that are surely now inhabiting the now mangle car top carrier appreciate their new home. Me, I'm pissed and out a car top carrier which has not, and never will be replaced. So here I am thinking I may make it without MY car top carrier and then something happens that completely skipped my mind. My wife starts bringing down hers and the kids bags. I watched as the neat piles I created started growing and growing and growing. I looked back at the almost fully packed vehicle and was sure I saw a tear or two coming from the front headlights so I made a quick decision...TWO cars. I didn't see it, but the poor little Hyundai Elentra smiled and stuck it's fan belt out at the much older Achieve which now had to carry it's fair share of the load. So I continued to load vehicles until the last bag, toy, and item were packed. AND I was kind enough to leave room for Ann Marie and the kids. I had the kids in my car (only beacuse I was foolish enough to install the portable DVD player in my car) and Ann Marie got to ride alone, in peace and quiet, to enjoy the scenery and the ride. Me, I can recite the entire script of Sinbad and Treasure Planet. One last chance to go through the checklist...Fishing gear..CHECK...Food...CHECK...Beer...DAMN...Boat...DON'T OWN ONE---YET!---...Lady "Friends"...NOPE...oooops...wrong checklist, this isn't a guys fishing trip! Loving wife...CHECK....Kids...CHECK...Family camping stuff...CHECK...OK IT's 7pm, 2 hours behind schedule, WE'RE OFF! Wife backs her car out first and I think finally we're going and as I'm backing up she shows up at my drivers side window. I was sure she was in a car not 5 seconds before. "Did you grab drinks for the ride?"...ooooops, guess that wasn't on the checklist. No I didn't and she has the housekey in her car and starts walking back down the road to get it. I had to think of something quick to keep this adventure moving in the right direction, that is towards the campsite, so I quickly back out and race up beside her. "Hon, we'll get drinks when we stop for dinner along the way." Phew, she bought into that one, WE'RE OFF AGAIN! Wooohooo!

The drive, I must admit, was quite pleasant since the kids were glued to the portable DVD player and my wife was safely and quietly riding in the second car behind me (actually I missed her companionship on the drive cause I couldn't point out all the houses along the way we could never afford). And for those windering, it was Sinbad playing on the way up. We drive and drive and finally PASS by the campground. Why? We haven't yet stopped for dinner and I told my wife we could get a drink when we did stop. That way I wasn't lying by telling her an hour before we would get drinks! She points to the smart and easy choice, McDonald's. I wanted to be nice to my wife and kids despite not really enjoying pizza, and took them to Pizza Hut! If I would have known that dinner would take nearly 2 hours and that my children would mistake the restauraunt for a distant and overgrown jungle which they felt they could act like wild animals , I would have picked Mickey D's to go...and fast!

Dinner FINALLY ends and we head back to the car. It's past 9:30pm and already dark. Time to get to the campsite...and set-up the tent in the dark knowing that a billion mosquitoes were lying low awaiting the ambush. We get to the entrance where I have to sign in and pay for additional things, like parking for the second car which I would not have had to bring had my brother's ex common-law girlfriend had not tried to demonstrate the principles of flight with MY car top carrier. ALso in the cost was kindling and firewood. It's amazing the cost of a few logs these days. It's almost cheaper to buy a house, tear it down, take all the 2x4s, and burn those. Of course, knowing what lied in wait at the campsite, mainly the mosquitoes, I ask if I can sleep in the entrance building. The lady dealing with me glanced up with this look on her face like I was asking to sleep at her desk, realized I was making a joke, and the laughed, almost eavilly. I am sure the laugh was because she also knew what awaited me at the campsite. I head over to the woodpile to claim my three overpriced bags of wood and have to do the clean and jerk to carry them to the car. Luckily for me a nice guy was there to carry one of the bags for me. Good thing all the ladies were busy and didn't see my weightlifting failure. My wife did though, and she didn't laugh cause she loves me, and I am counting on her love to keep me alive after she reads all this!

The wood gets loaded in the car and now it's off to the campsite...in the pitch black. And of course, the signage sucks (at least that's my excuse) and we end up driving around, lost, in the maze of roads. At one point I drove backwards hoping that time and my wife's memory would also reset to forget that the great adventurer husband had no clue where the heck he was in the campground (did I mention I also forgot my compass?). We FINALLY make it to the campsite. It's past 10pm. I sit in my car for a second, admiring my skin, since it will be the last time I see it without mosquito stingers in it and red spots for the next 36-48 hours...

Stay tuned for the next episode...UNDER ATTACK! THE BATTLE OF CAMPSITE 415!

The Adventure Continues!

So now that my wife and kids are geared up to go camping it's time to select a campsite. Now people may think this is the easy part, hell NO. There are all sorts of campsites available in parks owned and operated by the Ministry of Natural Resources and privately owned campgrounds. And each park has a ton of different sites to pick from. I decided to go online and try a government operated campground. I really don't believe it matters which park you actually pick, it's all about the site! When you call up a park it gives you a wonderful map that you can navigate to select the perfect site, and to your horrow there are 800+ sites to choose from! The sites show up as circles, triangles, and squares of different colouirs depending on the size, electrical stuff, available or not, blah blah blah. So instead of selecting a site you spend several minutes figuring out all the map legends. Now it highly recommended to UNDERSTAND the map because the last thing you want is the nice and cozy site the cpark people thought would be funny to place tight next to the outhouses! And then there are sites in the wide open that EVERYONE can see what you're doing or even who you're doing! Me, I like sites with decent privacy, very little traffic, decent shade, relatively large to fit the monster size tent I own, and within a decent distance of the toilets and, as shameful as it is to admit, the comfort stations (more on these facilities later). Now, the type of site I have just described is coveted by almost all campers so finding it can be a real demanding task or one heck of a long car ride! With small kids tagging along you either need to find a campsite that is relatively close to home OR, if you pick a far off and distant campground, you have to leave right at their bedtime so they sleep for the entire trip. I got lucky and found a really good site only 45 minutes or so from home so I quickly booked it knowing that some other camper on some other PC was eyeballing that very site at the exact same time I was. Once I had the site booked and payed for I sat back in my chair to rest from the stress of the event and came to the stark realization that now the family was comitted to the camping trip! While that is exciting, it is also worrisome because Mother Nature can be one cruel witch when camping. Now it's time to wait and try not to worry about anything until the day before you have to leave.

Thursday quickly arrives, the day before the great adventure begins. It's time to think about what the menu is going to be. Great thought must be employed while generating the daily meals and the grocery list for a camping adventure. Depending on where the site is located a mistake will either be forgiving or make for a challenging meal. What I mean by this is the proximity to a grocery store and restauraunts! Preparing food for camping is a delicate balance between too much and too little, too fancy and too simple, clean and ultra messy. You want well balanced meals that are appealing and very easy to prepare and clean up. This maximizes eating pleasure and minimizes the pains of preparing and cleaning. So what did I decide on? Breakfasts: Day 1: Eggs, ham, english muffins; Day 2: Cereal and Pastries Lunch: Sandwiches Dinner: Turkey Apple Burgers and canned corn. All weekend I dirtied about 6 dishes that required cleaning when we got home (my wife may argue with that figure since she's the one that had to wash them!) If I may say so, the meals were satisfying and very simple to prepare. Back to Thursday! Made a grocery list and went to purchase groceries AFTER my son's T-ball practice (I'm the head coach!).

Friday finally arrives, the day of the GREAT ADVENTURE!

Family Camping!

Family Camping Adventure Friday June 16th to Sunday June 18th!

For those of you that have never experienced camping I pity you. Camping is one of those tasks that provides all the feelings, emotions, and imagination one could ever hope for! My family and I recently went on a wonderful camping adventure!

let me pause here and introduce my family. There is my lovely wife Ann Marie (age 32), my handsome and intelligent son Jonathan (age 6), and me beautiful and cute little devil Genevieve (3 weeks shy of age 3). And me, my name is Matt (age 31). Now...back to camping...

The adventure of camping does not start as you hit the open road, nor does it start as you frantically gather the contents of your home and try to squeeze it, along with your family, into the car which now seems 10 sizes too small. It all begins with the thought in your head to even decide to go on the adventure. For some it's a HUGE step...do I possibly dare to leave the comfortable world as I know it and head for the rough, rugged and great outdoors? For others, like myself, it's not just another place to eat sleep and pee (without worrying about toilet lids!), it's a place to get away from the frantic and busy life of home and to slow things down a bit. If you are a single individual, making the choice of go and no go is a pretty simple dilemma. Now add others. They may be friends, family, a girlfriend or boyfriend. Should all of these people not agree with the idea of living in THE WILD, there is always a family pet who lacks the voice and reason to say no. And what if you have no pet? What then? Well, then it is time to uncover that favorite stuffed animal that you try and keep hidden from everyone else. The little stuffed animal with the tearing seams, tattered fur, and missing eye that has heard all your stories...and other noises of the night that I shall not mention here. I have done lots of camping. I have been with my family as a small boy. I have been with uncles, aunts, and cousins. I have been as a strong and proud Canadian Air Cadet. I have been with friends. And this most recent trip was with my own family. So you can say I have almost covered the whole camping journey! All there is now is to go camping with my grandchildren...and God willing (and before He strikes me down!) with my great grand children.

So here I am with the thought in my head "I want to go camping!". And immediately there are conflicts. There is only one weekend even remotely suitable for camping and it's the weekend of my mom's birthday and father's day. But looking at the calendar, every other weekend has something or another going on. So what's the best thing to do? Call my mom and dad and ask if they mind? No! I ask my wife at this point. She definitely has more sense than I do and she is a good person to turn to for inspiration and guidance. Luckily for me I have been able to mould my wife into a bit of a camper herself. (For those guys with wives that hate camping, hypnosis and those cool tapes you play when they sleep work best. For the wives with guys that hate camping, tell em no more action unless it's in the tent at a camp ground. I bet he builds you a permanent cottage on the site with running water, showers, and a fragrented flushable toilet.) So I ask my wife and she says to call and see if anything is going on. I felt good at this point because I was actually thinking along the lines of my wife which meant taking the first step towards camping would be a nice and easy step. I pick up the phone and call my parents to explain everything. Being the awesome mom that she is, she tells me what her ungrateful son can go and do with himself...Just Kidding...she is a very understanding women and understands the value of some nice family time so she tells me to go ahead and bring her a $500 gift later (unfortunately the one-of-a-kind racing snail the kids found didn't make it out of the campsite so now I still owe her a gift). So now I have my wife on board for camping, kids are easy to convince...ROASTED MARSHMELLOWS! So now the family is on board and it's time for another decision, who should we invite? We have always camped with other people! So we make a few phone calls and are turned down each time. We decide to forget inviting anyone else and make it a family camping weekend. Just the family. A novel idea! So just the family it will be. Awesome. Now let's recap all that has happened so far. An inspiration to go camping was made, the family was brought on board, and permission was obtained from all affected persons. There are still many steps left in the process...but I will stop here for now...

Introduction to My Brain

On life's journey much can happen to an individual. There are experiences, aquantances, emotions, imagination, and more. All of these can be shared with others, be they good or bad, happy or sad, uplifting or demoralizing, crazy or sane, frigtening or exhilirating. It's a personal decision as to what to share and how much of it to share. Kinda like an endless chocolate bar (which my lovely wife wishes exhisted but which I do not think would ever quench her endless craving...LOL) that you must decide how much to munch on at a time...you can eat too little as to not be satisfied, or you can consume too much as to become sick to your stomach. And why not share your life with others? Maybe it can help them in their own lives, hopefully for the better. I must say one thing to all of those who I invite to enter into my brain, and all of those who accidentally stumble across my grey gooey brain matter, these are my thoughts, my experiences, my imagination, and my dreams. Do not take offence or become angered to what I have written, because it is your own fault for continuing to read. I only hope that my rantings can provide you with some entertainment, drama, and humour. And maybe, while riding my life's roller coaster, you can take a little away from it all so that, as you build your roller coaster track, you can create higher hills and shallower valleys in your own life. Now please keep your restraints fully fastened and keep your arms, legs, and comments inside the train at all times while riding. And one last thing....HOLD ON TIGHT!